La Vida Sunshine: is LOVE colorblind?

While I’m happily married to what I’ll say is a Caucasian man, you would never know that I wasn’t interested in dating him seriously. Why? Because he is white? Yes.

It’s embarrassing to admit. It makes me cringe internally every time I think about it. To think I almost rejected the greatest love of my life all because of something so insignificant. Let me explain why. I’m a proud Mexican-American woman. As a woman of color growing up in the United States, it has always been real to me that racism exists. It’s not something we have made up to help ourselves feel better. I really could have lived without the blatant and quiet racism I have experienced from children growing up and now as an adult from other adults.

Since all of my racism had been experienced from white people, I believe a part of me thought a white person could never understand my struggle as a Latina living in today’s society.

I would be the 1st person to say, “I could never marry a white guy!” Seriously. Bring on the internal cringe, again. Why would I say that? In my imagination, my dream marriage would have been with a fellow Mexican-American, Catholic, and someone who basically had the same life story as that of my own. We could connect and understand one another on every level; physically, spiritually, emotionally, politically, and mentally. I was convinced that my soulmate could be no one else other than a Mexican-American man. How could I be so wrong? I was. How could I be so close minded? I was.

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After 3 months of dating, he took me to Europe for our 1st of many adventures together.

As my husband and I started to date, I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with him. If I could’ve I would’ve. He wasn’t my “ideal” person. He is everything no one else ever was and everything I never knew I was looking for. I tried to fight the idea of falling in love with him, but once I submitted to love, my entire life has changed and my heart opened like never before. I stopped to think: What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if he was discriminating against me because I am Latina? How would I feel about that? I would feel like garbage! Obviously, I got over it and let it go. Thank you, Jesus! Life has never been sweeter than it has been with him in my life. 13445739_10106450861887998_1926507803917262464_n

The funny thing is I no longer look at my husband and think, this is my white husband, nor does he look at me and think this is my Mexican wife. We are simply husband and wife. I forget or it’s not on the forefront of my mind ever when I think of him or us together. It’s not usually until someone else brings it up, not ever in an offensive way, either. I think more people are interested in how we’ve been able to seamlessly tie our two families and cultures together.

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Labor Day in Minneapolis, MN. With both our families, celebrating my sweet father in law’s birthday.

While my husband may be considered white/Caucasian he has his own culture, as well. Which people of color tend to downplay the cultures of many white Americans. While many may not even know or understand where they come from, I married into a culturally proud German, French, and Hungarian family. I’ve learned new family traditions. I’ve learned new family recipes. I’ve learned a lot about world history. I’ve learned that love is universal and people of all colors are accepting and kind. I have never ever experienced a bit of racism or prejudice from anyone in my husband’s entire family. They have been completely loving and 100% accepting of me and my entire family from day 1.

At the end of the day, we’re two Midwest kids. We come from two loving parents, who wanted more for their children than what they had. Two families that understand and embrace the immigrant experience. Two middle class and working class families. Two families that fiercely and unapologetically love one another. Two families that believe in love, family, and God before everything else. Instead of focusing on our differences, that really don’t matter, we have consciously or subconsciously chosen to focus on what has brought us together. That is love, unconditional, soulful, colorblind love.

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Our wedding day in Playa Del Carmen, MX. Where else would I have gotten married? Photo Credit: Melissa Mercado Photography

Are you in an interracial relationship or ever have been in one? How has your experience been?

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La Vida Sunshine: is LOVE colorblind?

While I’m happily married to what I’ll say is a Caucasian man, you would never know that I wasn’t interested in dating him seriously. Why? Because he is white? Yes.

It’s embarrassing to admit. It makes me cringe internally every time I think about it. To think I almost rejected the greatest love of my life all because of something so insignificant. Let me explain why. I’m a proud Mexican-American woman. As a woman of color growing up in the United States, it has always been real to me that racism exists. It’s not something we have made up to help ourselves feel better. I really could have lived without the blatant and quiet racism I have experienced from children growing up and now as an adult from other adults.

Since all of my racism had been experienced from white people, I believe a part of me thought a white person could never understand my struggle as a Latina living in today’s society.

I would be the 1st person to say, “I could never marry a white guy!” Seriously. Bring on the internal cringe, again. Why would I say that? In my imagination, my dream marriage would have been with a fellow Mexican-American, Catholic, and someone who basically had the same life story as that of my own. We could connect and understand one another on every level; physically, spiritually, emotionally, politically, and mentally. I was convinced that my soulmate could be no one else other than a Mexican-American man. How could I be so wrong? I was. How could I be so close minded? I was.

wp-1449868767139.jpeg

After 3 months of dating, he took me to Europe for our 1st of many adventures together.

As my husband and I started to date, I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with him. If I could’ve I would’ve. He wasn’t my “ideal” person. He is everything no one else ever was and everything I never knew I was looking for. I tried to fight the idea of falling in love with him, but once I submitted to love, my entire life has changed and my heart opened like never before. I stopped to think: What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if he was discriminating against me because I am Latina? How would I feel about that? I would feel like garbage! Obviously, I got over it and let it go. Thank you, Jesus! Life has never been sweeter than it has been with him in my life. 13445739_10106450861887998_1926507803917262464_n

The funny thing is I no longer look at my husband and think, this is my white husband, nor does he look at me and think this is my Mexican wife. We are simply husband and wife. I forget or it’s not on the forefront of my mind ever when I think of him or us together. It’s not usually until someone else brings it up, not ever in an offensive way, either. I think more people are interested in how we’ve been able to seamlessly tie our two families and cultures together.

wpid-img_114641010926664.jpeg

Labor Day in Minneapolis, MN. With both our families, celebrating my sweet father in law’s birthday.

While my husband may be considered white/Caucasian he has his own culture, as well. Which people of color tend to downplay the cultures of many white Americans. While many may not even know or understand where they come from, I married into a culturally proud German, French, and Hungarian family. I’ve learned new family traditions. I’ve learned new family recipes. I’ve learned a lot about world history. I’ve learned that love is universal and people of all colors are accepting and kind. I have never ever experienced a bit of racism or prejudice from anyone in my husband’s entire family. They have been completely loving and 100% accepting of me and my entire family from day 1.

At the end of the day, we’re two Midwest kids. We come from two loving parents, who wanted more for their children than what they had. Two families that understand and embrace the immigrant experience. Two middle class and working class families. Two families that fiercely and unapologetically love one another. Two families that believe in love, family, and God before everything else. Instead of focusing on our differences, that really don’t matter, we have consciously or subconsciously chosen to focus on what has brought us together. That is love, unconditional, soulful, colorblind love.

fb_img_1463492248671.jpg

Our wedding day in Playa Del Carmen, MX. Where else would I have gotten married? Photo Credit: Melissa Mercado Photography

Are you in an interracial relationship or ever have been in one? How has your experience been?

PCOS & a Tumor: The Struggle is Real

I was recently diagnosed with PCOS: Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. What is PCOS? I found out I have PCOS because I kept gaining weight, became prediabetic, and finally with an ultrasound it became clear that my ovaries are surrounded by cysts. Along with that joyous news, it was determined I have a 3 mm tumor in my head. Seriously. Not to fear, it’s not cancerous, thankfully. It’s a pituitary gland tumor aka pituitary adenoma. The pituitary gland is a master gland below the brain that controls many things in the body, but mostly hormone related. This was diagnosed after discovering I had elevated Prolactin levels in my blood. I’m currently on medication of Metformin and Cabergoline. I was originally on Bromocriptine, but I had such adverse side effects from it I stopped taking it. My endocrinologist has since prescribed me Cabergoline. So far so good.

How do I feel? Physically, fine. Emotionally, depends on the day you ask. Right now, I’m okay. Plus, I think I’ve had enough time to process the news.

What does this mean for children in our future? A number of things, mostly, we don’t know if we’ll be able to conceive a child naturally. I hope and pray that we do. If not, adoption is definitely and has always been an option for us. Which reminds me, I stress the importance of talking about infertility before marriage. I’m grateful that it’s something we had discussed pre-marriage in great detail. Especially since we are in a place now in our lives where it hasn’t been easy trying to conceive due to my health issues.

The only reason I’m sharing this news is because I know we’re not alone. However, many friends and family members are ashamed or scared to share their stories. It is what it is. I can’t sugar coat it. It sucks. It sucks because I finally got to a place in my life and heart where I’m ready and want to become a mother. Then to hit this roadblock this huge is hurtful and frustrating more than anything.  I’m thankful we found out what is going on with my body. It feels unnatural to not be in control of my own body. To know that my issue is greater than what I can control on my own is at times overwhelming. It’s manageable, but not curable. It’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. I don’t know how I would’ve handled this news without the unwavering love and emotional support of my husband and our families. It’s not easy and there are lots of times I questioned myself as a woman and wife. Why is this happening to me? Why isn’t my body normal? Why can’t I get pregnant right away? When will I get pregnant? When will I have control over my body again? When do we start looking into a fertility specialist?  There are so many questions and yet still uncertain answers. The only thing I can do is continue to take my medications.

The biggest lesson I’m taking away from this is to be kinder to myself. I need to accept this is what’s happening right now. I will be okay. Life will be okay. My marriage will always be okay. If anything, it has brought my husband and me closer. He has seen and heard me cry. He shares in my prayers.  He has experienced first hand my frustrations and side effects from medicine. It has forced me to share with him and others how I’m feeling. Sometimes, I don’t feel emotionally strong. As someone who has always been an optimistic and happy person, these feelings of sadness or frustration are new to me. I’m learning that it’s normal.

I wasn’t able to predict what’s going on with my body, but family genetics has a lot to do with it. I have family members with PCOS and Pituitary Gland Tumors, that I’ve only recently found out about. This is why it’s important to know our family history. I know I’m not alone in this. While my husband insists we are going through this together, which we are, I still feel this is very much my own journey. That’s because it is happening in my body. Even that feeling of alone is normal. It’s most important to remember none of us are alone. The difference between me and most is I’m willing to share what’s going on. That’s because I believe we can all learn from one another and help each other when we are in a place of the unknown in our lives.

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If I can be of help and support to someone else and have another woman become more familiar with her body, then it’s all worth it. I want to let other couples know that fertility issues are extremely common. It wasn’t something we expected or could have predicted. Even though we’re currently experiencing this new challenge in our lives, we’re not going to let it stop us from enjoying our lives or marriage. We’re going to continue to travel. We’re going to continue to pray. We’re going to continue to enjoy the full lives we have created with our friends and family. We’re going to continue to show other couples that our love is enough to get us through anything together. If you think you have PCOS contact your doctor asap, especially if you are trying to conceive. The struggle is real, but it doesn’t have to be the end all and be all of our happiness and life together.