Selfish and Married.

They, someone, people, say to be married you can’t be selfish. I agree, to an extent. While I do have to take my husband into consideration in everything I do/decide and vice versa, we still are pretty selfish as individuals, just not with one another.

Mostly, because we don’t have children. Being a parent is the MOST Selfless thing a person can do and become. My husband and I, have been married for almost 2 years. Just today, he text me to let me know he booked us a trip to NYC for the weekend. We can do that and I love that. We don’t have children. We don’t have pets. We don’t even have plants because we travel too much. We come and go as we please, have weekend brunches with friends, or weekly date nights all without having to worry about finding a babysitter.

Before and during marriage, we discussed our wanting of children in our life. Do we really want children or not? I know for some it’s not an option or question, but it is a matter of necessity to being a married couple. We aren’t those people. We decided to wait at least after our 1 year anniversary to try to expand our family of 2. We wanted to buy a house first, continue to travel the world together, and fall in love with our new roles as husband and wife. Then, we decided to wait even longer because there are still places in the world we want to experience.

I’m honestly thankful we have waited, traveled, bought our first home, and continue to grow together and discover new things about one another as a married couple. I have no regrets that we live as if we’re still newlyweds and travelers in love. This is the only time we can take in our lives for it to be all about us. Selfish? Maybe. Happy? ABSOLUTELY! This is what has been right for us, and it’s not for everyone. While we get pressure from our families more than anyone, I think it’s most important that other couples like us be honest about it. It’s o.k. to say, “ya know what, we’re still enjoying our time together as husband and wife.” Every now and then, you’ll run into someone who says, “Good for you! Enjoy it while you can.” We’ll never get this time back again. I don’t want to wait until we’re older to travel.

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Travelers in Love! Springtime in France. 

 

The more we travel, the more grateful I am that we’re going and experiencing the places that we want to now, while we’re young, mobile, can eat and drink whatever we want. That truly makes us happy. While some wouldn’t consider us a real family, because we don’t have children, I think we’re a great family of 2, even if we’re both still a little selfish.

500 Days of Marriage

We’ve officially hit 500 days in our marriage. Is that a big deal? I guess so. Some people don’t make it to 500 days. I’m trying to think about what advice or knowledge I have to give to someone? What lessons have I learned in these first 500 days? I’m not sure if I’m qualified for that, yet. I do know, I’ve married my best friend. It’s cliché, but it’s true and it works.
I’m thinking of what has happened, since we said, “I do”, 500 days ago.
For starters, we relocated from San Francisco, CA to Houston, TX, for my husband’s career. It definitely took adjustment for us both to get used to a new place, and that’s o.k. I think what’s most important in a move, especially a cross country move is communication. There are lots of exciting things that come along with moving, but there are a million tedious things that aren’t romantic or sexy in a relationship, like calling the cable and utility companies. Either way, it’s a team effort and a way to work together in a relationship. Be clear of expectations and honest of what you can or can’t handle.
Around January of this year, while most people are pondering their new year’s resolutions, we dream about where we want to travel. We decided on France. We spent a love filled and delicious 2 weeks of April, as an early first anniversary trip. It’s important couples take time for themselves to get away from everyone and everything, explore and experience new things together, and create new memories. Take your love and make love all around the world if you can.

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Upon our return from Europe, we decided it was time for that next step in life, homeownership. You learn a lot about your spouse when you decide to purchase your first home. Even more so, when you’re debating paint colors. Want to test your marriage? Try doubling the painting budget. The biggest lesson I’ve learned from this homebuying experience, don’t try to buy everything at once. Take your time to furnish your home on the outside and inside. Your husband and credit card bill will thank you. I know it’s easy to get swept up in wanting to buy everything new and fill up that new home. My advice, buy your essentials. Then let everything else you need come to you in time, as far as minor furniture, wall decor, and kitchen gadgets. Take your time making your house into a home.

We officially have a backyard!

We officially have a backyard!

Since we live apart from both of our families, it’s essential we make the effort to see both sides of the family. It’s a blessing when it can happen at once. We spent a family filled and limited WiFi 5 days on the breathtaking North Shore of Minnesota. We disconnected from technology and connected with one another. This is important! Nowadays people’s idea of connecting is via social media. I can’t explain what it means to bond with your in-laws on a nature hike, a sunny bike ride, or over smores and a campfire. I saw my husband skip rocks on the water with his father. He also drank a bottle of Tequila with mine. Yeah, they were “bonding”. While it’s easy to get caught up in wedded bliss, it’s good to come up for air and spend time with the parentals. It’s sweet medicine for the heart and soul.

Hiking in Northern Minnesota

Hiking in Northern Minnesota

While it has been a remarkable first 500 days, full of travels, moves, and family, I’m dreaming of our future, and everything is a possibility.

Here's to the next 500!

Here’s to the next 500!

What will the next 500 days bring? The best part about being married to your best friend, I don’t know what the future holds, but I know whatever it is we’ll be enjoying it together.

Our 1st fight

I have a confession to make. Two weeks after becoming married, I stopped wearing my engagement ring. Well, this caused me and my newlywed husband, to have our 1st marital disagreement.

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My engagement ring on our wedding day. Photo by: Melissa Mercado Photography

Let me explain. I love love my engagement ring. I also love my wedding band. While my engagement ring is perfect and beautiful, I didn’t feel the need to wear it, everyday. I spend most of my days at home cooking, cleaning, and writing. I usually only leave our place to go shopping.

I always take my rings off when cleaning, working out, or going into the pool/ocean. I take great care of them, because they do mean so much to me.

One day, at dinner, two weeks after becoming married, I pointed out to my husband I wasn’t wearing my ring. This wasn’t the first time I had gone without my engagement ring, since we had become married. I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal. I was still wearing my wedding band. His reaction was unexpected. I figured he wouldn’t care, but I was wrong. He cared a great deal. He was offended.

I never before thought what the ring meant to him. He put time, love, and effort into picking out the best ring for me. After a woman is gifted her engagement ring it all becomes about her, and the wedding day.

I don’t know how to explain this, but it’s never been about the ring for me. After we became engaged, I wasn’t that girl posting pictures of my ring on social media. I never wanted anyone to think it was about getting that ring, it never was for me. It has always been about the love and the promise of a lifetime with this Incredible man. I wanted the focus to be on that, and not the Bling.

I’ve always said, I would be happy with a nice gold band. I never told my husband about diamonds. We never went looking at diamond rings. My husband gifted me with a beautiful diamond engagement ring from Tiffany and Co. Of course, when he proposed, I immediately fell in love with it. I continue to receive lovely compliments about it, which I sincerely appreciate. Like most newly engaged women, I would immediately stick my hand out after we told someone we had gotten engaged.

About a month after being engaged, we went to a restaurant. My husband knew the waitress. He told her we recently became engaged, because he was also a proud fiancé. I did the normal “here look at my ring” hand gesture.  She had also recently become engaged. She showed us her ring, and her diamond was tiny. In that moment, she showed me, reminded me, no matter the size, it’s about the love. She was just as excited about her engagement. She was just as in love with her fiancé. That’s when I decided to stop showing off my ring to people when we told them about our engagement. I never want to be the kind of woman that would unintentionally make another woman feel bad about what she was gifted. Everyone’s love deserves to be celebrated, not just the ring.

Back to our 1st newlywed disagreement. I never stopped to think about what my engagement ring meant to my husband. He looked for months at different places. He asked friends opinions about rings he was looking at for me. He had to sneak around and find time when we weren’t together. He even downloaded the Tiffany and Co. application on his phone. He made people promise not to tell me he was looking at rings, because he wanted it to be a true surprise, which it was. This ring not only meant an eternal promise, but also his pride on picking out the most perfect ring for me. Finally, I had to put myself in his shoes. I had to take into account how special it really was to the man who has loved and supported me. After dinner, I went and put my engagement ring back on. I always make sure to wear my rings together.

I Love this man. Our wedding day with both my rings and hands around him. Photo by: Melissa Mercado Photography

I Love this man. Our wedding day with both my rings and hands around him. Photo by: Melissa Mercado Photography

The best part of marriage is learning how to have those disagreements, and being able to see something from someone else’s perspective. I think that’s called growth, right? In our 1st disagreement, I’ll admit it, my husband was right.